And You Thought It Was Safe(?)


Thor (2011)
If I had a hammer...I'd...oh, wait. I already used that joke for Drive. What is it with 2011 and hammers?

If I had a hammer…I’d…oh, wait. I already used that joke for Drive. What is it with 2011 and hammers?

I feel the same way about Thor most people feel about Superman. After all, Thor’s the Norse god of thunder. As such, he’s ridiculously over-powered and more than a little alien, depending on the personal taste of who’s writing him at the time. Over a fifty year history as convoluted as any other comic book superhero’s, Thor’s been a god trapped in a man’s bod, a man driven insane by a magic hammer, and more or less everything in between. Now he’s a movie star and I say, Good for you, Odinson. Maybe you can tell me why your movie isn’t better?

Except he doesn’t have to because I know the answer. You don’t exactly need to sacrifice one of your eyes to know the problem with all these post-Iron Man Marvel movies: they’ve stopped being movies and started contenting themselves with being prequels to The Avengers. In the four years since Iron Man it’s become evident Marvel approaches all their  films with a giant check-list of shit they’ll have to introduce before an Avengers movie even begins to make sense. Continue reading



Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)

Bromance! 2007It’s amazing how unmemorable a film like this can be. Twenty-four hours and it vanishes from your mind like a bad dream. Oh, to wake in a world where Marvel Studios did not chose to produce Fantastic Four films in conjunction with 20th Century Fox.

At once flagrantly pandering and incoherently pretentious, Rise of the Silver Surfer is undeniably worse than its prequel. All thanks to production logic that threw aesthetics under the bus in favor of expediency and marketing tie-ins. Got to crank them out quick before the marks get wise, see? And we are getting wise, though the general mass (who still, even after all this, refuse to read comic books) continues to throw cash at whatever crap’s offered us. And so it goes. {More}