And You Thought It Was Safe(?)


Thor (2011)
If I had a hammer...I'd...oh, wait. I already used that joke for Drive. What is it with 2011 and hammers?

If I had a hammer…I’d…oh, wait. I already used that joke for Drive. What is it with 2011 and hammers?

I feel the same way about Thor most people feel about Superman. After all, Thor’s the Norse god of thunder. As such, he’s ridiculously over-powered and more than a little alien, depending on the personal taste of who’s writing him at the time. Over a fifty year history as convoluted as any other comic book superhero’s, Thor’s been a god trapped in a man’s bod, a man driven insane by a magic hammer, and more or less everything in between. Now he’s a movie star and I say, Good for you, Odinson. Maybe you can tell me why your movie isn’t better?

Except he doesn’t have to because I know the answer. You don’t exactly need to sacrifice one of your eyes to know the problem with all these post-Iron Man Marvel movies: they’ve stopped being movies and started contenting themselves with being prequels to The Avengers. In the four years since Iron Man it’s become evident Marvel approaches all their  films with a giant check-list of shit they’ll have to introduce before an Avengers movie even begins to make sense. Continue reading

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Defendor (2009)
"Did I leave the gas on...?"

“Did I leave the gas on…?”

There are a lot of mentally unstable superheros out there. Most realize Batman wouldn’t be half the goddamn Batman he is if he weren’t a little bit (or a lot, depending who’s writing him) crazy. But Bruce Wayne’s only the most famous example, and at least he knows who and what the hell he is (again, depending on the writer). Heroes like Rose/Thorn or Moon Knight, who actually are dealing with multiple personality disorders, have been hanging around since the 70s, never popular enough to attract any real attention.

Looks like Defendor‘s joined their ranks. I only heard about it two weeks ago though the good graces of After Movie Diner host Jon Cross. I guess it fell through the cracks a weak Terminator sequel, weaker Star Trek reboot, and Bayformers 2 left in the floor of 2009. I missed this “sharp suberversion of Nolan’s Batman reboots…” whatever the hell that means. Who said that, anyway…? Now Magazine…? Well, what the fuck do they know? Are they going to namedrop Rose/Thorn? Or Moon Knight? I don’t think so.

Comic book knowledge allows me to go into these DIY superhero movies with the proper air of critical suspicion. Who’s this Peter Stebbings, I thought going into Defendor, playing in our sandbox? What, this is his first time in the director’s chair? Well, at least he wrote the script. What else did he write…a PG-13 Rom Com from 2008? Aww, hell… Continue reading